Where Is the Love: Examining the Decline in Sex Among Adults

It may seem counterintuitive that in our modern era, when sexual themes are so present in the media we consume, and sexual imagery seems to jump out at us from the devices we carry around, (or, if you’re like me, stare at for nearly one full quarter of the hours in the day) people would be engaging less in sexual intercourse than they have in the past. The topics of sex and sexual behavior are always near the front of our minds, and have, in recent years, perhaps become more so. Yet, a number of studies suggest that people are, in fact, having less sex today than they have in the past. 

Beginning in 2018, articles in The Atlantic, Newsweek and a slough of other online publications caught onto the idea, which is based on a synthesis of responses to the General Social Survey between 2010 and 2018. The survey asked adults between the ages of 18 and 44 various questions about their sexual habits and how frequently they engaged in sexual intercourse and found that a significantly higher number of people reported not having sex in a month, or in many cases much longer. (Ueda et al., 2020) Among those having less sex than they did ten years ago were married and unmarried men and women, unemployed men and women, students and more. (Ueda et al., 2020) In particular, the study shows that people are engaging less in penile-vaginal intercourse, but also other forms of sex, like oral and anal.  Many journalists and social scientists have attempted to investigate why the phenomenon may be taking place, and while it’s difficult to pinpoint an exact answer, several studies have shed light on some of the factors that may be contributing to this trend.

In her article “Possible Reasons US Adults Are Not Having Sex as Much as They Used To,” Jean M Twenge presents findings from her analysis of data from the General Social Survey, which has been collecting information on sexual behavior in the US since the 1970s. Twenge found that over the past decade, there has been a decline in sexual frequency among American adults, particularly those who are married or living with a partner. Twenge suggests that this trend may be due to several factors, including a cultural shift towards individualism, a focus on work and technology, and the use of antidepressant medication. (Twenge, 2020) She notes that people are working longer hours and prioritizing their careers and education over social and personal relationships, which can lead to less time and energy for sexual activity. In addition, the use of antidepressant medication, which can decrease libido, has increased in recent years, as well as rising rates of obesity, both of which could potentially be contributing to the decline in sexual frequency among adults. One can’t help but wonder, are people not having sex because they’re sad? Or are they sad because they’re not having sex?

Twenge also suggests that the rise of digital media and social networking may be contributing to a decline in face-to-face social interaction, which could also be reducing opportunities for sexual activity.(Twenge, 2020) She notes that people are spending more time on their devices and less time engaging in traditional social activities, such as going out with friends or attending social events. This could be leading to a decrease in opportunities for sexual activity, particularly for those who are not in committed relationships.

Another avenue of understanding the decline in sex among young people may be the idea that many people are thinking about sex altogether differently today than they have in the past. For their article “Sex is so much more than penis in vagina: sex education, pleasure and ethical erotics on instagram” Ruby Sciberras and Claire Tanner analysed roughly 200 social media posts regarding sex and sexual fulfillment by prominent feminists, many of whom offer a different, or updated understanding of sex, which they suggest has historically been centered on male pleasure. (Sciberras & Tanner, 2023)

In their posts, many suggest that the explanations of sex offered by traditional sexual education and media present a narrow understanding of what good or real sex is, especially when it involves a woman. Their article lead me to think that perhaps research shows that people are engaging in less penile-vaginal sex because they are finding other ways to engage in “good sex,” or maybe, as a younger generation of women are more likely to prioritize their own sexual desire, they may be less likely to participate in penile-vaginal intercourse, which statistics show result less often in orgasm for women than other sexual acts. (Sciberras & Tanner, 2023)

As suggested in both the research by Twenge and Sciberras & Tanner, while people are thinking differently about sex, they are also engaging in sex in new and different ways. In recent years, there has been an increasing trend towards exploring non-penile vaginal sex among couples. This can include a wide range of activities such as oral sex, manual stimulation, the use of sex toys, and other forms of non-penetrative stimulation.

A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that non-penile vaginal sex was becoming more common among heterosexual couples.(Higgins et al., 2011) The study surveyed over 2,000 adults and found that while vaginal intercourse remained the most common form of sexual activity, many participants reported engaging in non-penile vaginal sex. The study also found that couples who engaged in non-penile vaginal sex reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction and intimacy.

There are several reasons why couples may choose to explore non-penile vaginal sex. For some, it may be a way to increase sexual pleasure and variety. For others, it may be a way to explore new sexual experiences and expand their sexual repertoire. Additionally, non-penile vaginal sex may be a preferred option for individuals who experience pain or discomfort during vaginal intercourse or who have medical conditions that make penetrative sex difficult or impossible.

It’s possible too, if not likely, that young men are also shifting in the way that they think about sex and the sexual dynamics between themselves and their female counterparts. In general, it feels as though society is moving toward a more sentimental and sensitive way of interacting, with movements around anti-bullying, and acceptance of different expressions of sexuality and gender identity becoming topics at the forefront of culture in recent years. Perhaps, as young men’s understanding of masculinity evolves, they are adjusting to new expectations for interaction with the opposite sex, and learning new rules and practices for intimacy, whether sexual or not, so that the older models of having sex are no longer as interesting. 

In her article, “Heterosexual Men’s Sexual Desire: Supported by, or Deviating from, Traditional Masculinity Norms and Sexual Scripts?”, Sarah Hunter Murray examines the relationship between traditional masculinity norms and sexual desire in heterosexual men. She argues that while traditional masculinity norms, such as dominance and aggression, have historically been associated with men’s sexual desire, recent research suggests that men’s sexual desires may actually be shifting away from these norms.(Murray, 2018) 

Murray notes that many traditional masculinity norms and sexual scripts are rooted in gendered power dynamics, and may not reflect the true desires of individual men. (Murray, 2018) She suggests that societal changes, such as increased gender equality and the rise of hookup culture, may be influencing men’s sexual desires and prompting them to deviate from traditional norms.

The article provides a review of existing research on men’s sexual desire, and highlights the need for more studies that take into account the complex interplay between masculinity norms, sexual scripts, and individual experiences of desire. It makes sense to me that, as men come into new ways of understanding their own masculinity, there may be an adjustment period; or time needed to apply the new understandings to their sexuality which could result in a lull in sexual activity, or even apprehension about how to approach sexual situations in a new cultural landscape. (Murray, 2018)

Though matters of sex seem to be more in our face than ever, perhaps, it isn’t so surprising that we, as a society, also appear to be shying away from it. Consider, for example, the Florida principal who recently came under fire for allowing images of Michelangelo’s David to be shown in an art history context because it was allegedly too pornographic. If the thinking continues in that direction regarding sex, we may continue to see decreases in the amount people are having, which, eventually, would be problematic for mankind’s future for obvious reasons. The reasons for this trend away from sex are complex and multifaceted, with countless different theories and understandings for why it may be occurring. Researchers have identified several factors that may be contributing to the decline in sexual frequency, including a cultural shift towards individualism, a focus on work and technology, and changes in attitudes towards sex and gender. The rise of digital media and social networking may also be reducing opportunities for face-to-face social interaction, leading to a decrease in opportunities for sexual activity. Furthermore, new and updated understandings of what constitutes “good” sex and changes in societal expectations of masculinity and intimacy may also be contributing to the decline in traditional forms of sexual activity. Though these ideas offer a possible explanation for this phenomenon, they don’t quite paint a full picture of why it appears the act of having sex is on the decline. It is important to continue to study these trends in order to gain a better understanding of the factors at play and to develop strategies to promote healthy sexual relationships and attitudes, and hopefully begin to reverse the trend. 

References

1. Sexual Activity and Number of Sexual Partners Among Adults Aged 18 to 44 Years in the US, 2000-2018. JAMA Network Open, 3(6), e203833. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2020.3833

2. Twenge, J. M. (2020). Possible Reasons US Adults Are Not Having Sex as Much as They Used To. JAMA Network Open. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2020.3889

3. Sciberras, R., & Tanner, C. (2023). ‘Sex is so much more than penis in vagina’: sex education, pleasure and ethical erotics on Instagram. Sex Education, 1–14. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681811.2023.2199976

4. Murray, S. S. (2018). Heterosexual Men’s Sexual Desire: Supported by, or Deviating from, Traditional Masculinity Norms and Sexual Scripts? Sex Roles, 78(1–2), 130–141. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-017-0766-7

5. Higgins, J. A., Mullinax, M., Trussell, J., Davidson, J. K., & Moore, N. B. (2011). Sexual Satisfaction and Sexual Health Among University Students in the United States. American Journal of Public Health, 101(9), 1643–1654. https://doi.org/10.2105/ajph.2011.300154